


Cooking Catastrophes

by Rigels_Nigels



Series: rp ficifications [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Virgil is just there in the end, mostly just a mention, remus doesn't know how to cook and they have a very teen movie moment, tell me if i need to add any tw, tw cooking, tw food
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 09:14:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20525570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rigels_Nigels/pseuds/Rigels_Nigels
Summary: Remus finds Deceit crying, Deceit was just trying to cook.





	Cooking Catastrophes

Remus pauses, turning instead to follow the sound of sniffling. He smiles as he turns the corner and spots Deceit standing by the kitchen.

“Hey Dee di- _ Are you crying? _ ” He wasn’t smiling anymore, in fact, he was frowning. Deceit didn’t cry, not usually.

“What? No, of course not.” Deceit denied, very clearly wiping his eyes with a tissue.

“Nooo, don't lie to me, I can see the tears. What happened?  _ Was it the Light Sides again?  _ ** _I'm gonna kill them!_ ** ”

Deceit snorts. “As hilarious as that totally wouldn't be, it really  _ was  _ them. I'm just, making dinner.”

Remus squints at him, very obviously not believing him. “Hmmm... but were you? Dee, we talked about this, you don't have to hide your feelings from me.” 

“We are literally not right outside the kitchen.”

“Well, uh, you're often stress baking, can't blame me for doubting you.”

“Not at all fair I suppose.” He muttered, throwing the used up tissue in the trash. “I wasn't cutting onions, and you know how those are.”

“Oh. ...Do you want me to kill them for you?”

He laughed. “They certainly aren't dead enough. If you really wish to I suppose you could help. You can cut everything up if you don't want, I still have half an onion.”

“Yay!” He summons up a large blade that could be likened more to a sword than a knife. “_Let's do this!_”

He blinked. “Maybe, something smaller? I would love to get stabbed today.”

“Well, at least not with the knife.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “But, if you insist.” Relentingly, he shrinks it down to a size that could be considered normal.

Deceit blinked, trying to make sound come out. After a few attempts he managed. “...Um, yeah, uh,, good. Just,” He took a breath, attempting to regain his composure. “The food you need to prepare is all set up by the board. And you have no idea where to go from there I assume.”

“...well....” Remus began to fidget, not quite looking Deceit in the eyes.

“You  _ do _ ? Well then. I mean, I suppose I  _ couldn't _ teach you, if you want, or you could do something else.”

“Ohhh, do teach me, please.”

He leads them into the kitchen, standing on Remus’ right. “Alright. So first, get in front of the board -you already have the knife- and grab a carrot.”

Remus did as he was told, unsure exactly of what to do with either. “So.... what now?”

“Alright so,” Deceit goes right up to Remus, grabbing the hand that held the knife and began to adjust. “We hold it like this. It gives you a better grip and you're able to cut things easier.”

“Oh, uhh,” He coughed, face beginning to burn. “Okay, alright.”

“Now,” Deceit lets go and stands behind Remus, moving to gently hold both of his hands. “I'm going to direct you for the first few cuts, so you can get a feel for it.”

“O-okay.” Was he blushing? He’s pretty sure he was. He hoped Deceit wouldn’t notice.

Deceit began to move his hands, pressing harder as they cut. Once the carrot was fully chopped he let go and stepped back. “Got it?”

Remus froze, mind trying to process what happened. “....what… Uh, yea, yea, I got it.”

“ _ Horrible _ . Continue cutting the rest of this up and I'll work on preparing everything else.”

“Sure…” He said, trying not to act too disappointed. It’s not like he really  _ liked _ being that close to Deceit or anything. He began to cut another carrot. 

Deceit frowned, unsure if he did something to make Remus upset, but continued on as if he hadn’t noticed, pouring oil into the pan along with the garlic and onion he cut up earlier.

A few minutes pass, Deceit taking the items Remus had cut up and putting them into the pan, until finally, 

“Alright, done.” Remus set the knife down and turned to look at Deceit.   
“Ok, um, could you set the table?” He moves to grab the board with the last of the food to pour into the pan, brushing by Remus as he did so.

“D'aww, but where's my reward? I did a good job, right? Was I a  _ good boy _ ?”

“Oh, certainly  _ not _ , but your job isn’t done. Set the table and  _ then _ we can talk about a reward.” 

Deceit turns around, smirking at Remus as he says that.

“Sir yes sir!” He salutes before grabbing some plates and forks and making his way to the table. He sets down the plates and everything on them onto the table first, then places the cups and forks. He reaches for the plates to begging setting those but clearly must have misjudged the height of the plates. His hand knocks into them and they're pushed off the table, shattering as they hit the floor.

"...oops…" 

Deceit turned off the stove, pouring the stir fry into a large serving bowl. He jumped and cursed, nearly throwing the pan into the wall when he heard something break. He grabbed the bowl and quickly made his way over to the source of the sound.

"Remus? What broke?"

"Oh, well, the plate. Or two.  _ Maybe _ even three. I tried cleaning it up, but…" Remus lifted his hands, blood beginning to drip down his wrists as well as onto the floor. Deceit sets the bowl on the table and rushes over to the other. 

“Remus!” He grabbed the others hands, holding them close to his face so he could see them properly. God were those, were there shards? “That's,,  _ very _ good. C'mon.” He begins to walk to the bathroom, practically pulling Remus along with him.

Wait, Dee, it's nothing, I've had worse.” Remus laughs,  _ laughs _ . “There was that one time in the imagination…”

“And that  _ totally _ matters right now. You are bleeding and hurt, and you expect me to just, leave you?” He stops them in front of the sink, bending down and pulling out the kit. 

“Well, that's what Roman always does after we're done, uh,  _ playing _ .”

“Oh he does does he? How  _ interesting _ .” He opens the kit taking out some tweezers and pulls out a cloth, running it under the sink. 

“I don't think he even notices when I'm hurt, so occupied with his fantasies. I mean, who can blame him, it's literally his job.”

He holds one hand open and as gently as he’s able begins to pick the glass out, placing the pieces on the counter. “It's not your job either.”

“Dee, I was fired from this job a long time ago”

“If you were then you’d be here. You’d exist.” 

“.... Well, wouldn't that be for the better though?”

“ _ Of course _ !” He switched hands.

“I'd finally stop bothering everyone with all those perverted, dangerous,  _ scary _ thoughts.”

“You are  _ completely _ in control of that, and it's  _ totally _ your fault.” 

“Well, you may be right, but-”

_ “I _ would be, pleased if you left.” He put the tweezers down and picked up the cloth, beginning to clean the others hands. “It would be a lot more exciting with you gone, to be sure.”

“Can't let your life be too boring then, huh?” Remus smiles ever so slightly at Deceit.

“Of course not.” Finished with the cloth he brings out the bandages and begins to wrap them. At least they weren’t  _ too _ bad, should fix up within the next few hours or so, depending. Knowing Remus it would probably take longer.

“Soooo, about that reward....”

Deceit looks up at him from where he was, eyes widening ever so slightly. “Yes, the reward... you have anything special in mind?” If he was being honest with himself, he had completely forgotten.

“Not really. Surprise me.”

Deceit stood, facing Remus. “Alright then.” He moved closer, holding the others shoulders, and pecked him on the cheek before leaning back and pretending to dust them off. “Now come on, dinner is getting cold.” 

He quickly passes by the other, definitely not fleeing or anything, why would he do that? And no, he wasn’t blushing thank you for asking, he was just, a tad overexerted. Absolutely.

Remus on the other hand was frozen where he was, blushing like mad, mouth agape. A few moments passed and he managed to regain himself. His mouth closed and he brought up a hand to lightly touch where Deceit had kissed him. He could still sort of feel it, like a light electric tingle. 

“ _ Y-yeah… _ ” Still sort of stunned he stumbled out after Deceit, finding him already eating at the table along with Virgil. Had that meant anything? He hoped so, he also hoped it wasn’t a one time thing.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading  
Please do leave a comment if you liked this in any way, it makes me more eager to write. I'll gladly take keysmashes.


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